Today I woke up at 4AM in the morning with an intense feeling of being wrong, done something bad, not able to complete something that I should have. Something is not right the way I am.
Are you familiar with this feeling? Do you wake up everyday with a To Do List given by your head that you must complete?
I have left my job to get rid of Bosses who were always wanted me to do more than what I could. I left my family because they were pushing me to be someone who can protect the family. Now Sitting here having no responsibilities, living a life where I am my own Boss…who is it that still giving commands? Who is it that’s making me feel that I am not as fast as I should be? Not as successful as my friends and enemies are.
While sitting in meditation I came to realise that it’s this social agent that we call Mind is trying to push the river against the current. Its trying to achieve something that already is the case. So it doesn’t matter whether I live in a city having a corporate job or somewhere on the beautiful Island, having my own alternative therapy work without any Boss, I am always hearing this voice that keeps pushing me to do more, achieve more….
Is there any way we could escape from this constant push?
May be I complete all pending tasks everyday? Or I do more Yoga and Meditation to silent this Mind? Or dont give a fuck about it, just drink, dance and have fun.
If I have to do something to not do then its only changing the container but feeling remains the same. I haven’t done Yoga today. I am not meditating regularly….isn’t it?
I am exploring this subject more and more……how can I just be without doing? or how can I do without a desire to be?
Do you want an answer to this? me too….do you have answer to it? Neither do I…