Do you know the difference between an ox and a bull?
The bull, that powerful, vital, sexually-alive, untameable animal. That same animal is called an ox when his sexual energy is cut off, when his balls are removed. That same powerful beast, when emasculated becomes a domesticated creature, able to carry water from the well, physically strong and reliable enough to move rocks and build bridges, capable of doing anything a human being wants him to do.
This same conspiracy has been used on men. Think of a man – muscular, powerful, vibrant and sexually strong. Society knew how to use this man to construct the world as we know it. He was put to work to build vast concrete cities, to make weapons, to fight battles and to win wars. And this same strategy has also been used on men through education, through wrong conditioning and beliefs about what it actually means to be male. Through all this, man’s sexual identity has gradually been diminished and he has been transformed into a domesticated husband, lover, boss, employee or brother. He may be physically strong and reliable but he is not fully active and alive in his sexuality. And this fact is felt every day day by every single man on earth.
At the end of each day, when he returns home having fulfilled all his responsibilities, he has no energy left to make love to his woman. It is as though the priorities of daily life have been turned upside down. If I ask you to tell me what is the most amazing experience of your life, then one of those experiences would probably be the moment of love-making, when you are with your lover or when you are having a deep, fulfilling sexual orgasm. If this is your priority, if this is what you enjoy the most, why keep it as the final activity of the whole day?
So, the invitation is for men to reclaim their essential sexual power by going deep into their subconscious and removing all the false conditioning, beliefs and education that have dulled their sexuality.
Every man has a deep longing to feel that he is the master of his sexual energy and power. But the way we bring up a boy to be a man actually prevents him doing this. It begins from the very first day. When a boy starts touching his genitals, his penis, his mother feels ashamed and stops him: “Stop! What are you doing? Don’t touch it!” And there, in that very moment, the first belief is established, an imprint is made, that your own sexual organ, your dick, your penis, is not worthy of your touch. And even though you enjoy so much pleasure there, you cannot allow yourself to touch because there is shame around it. Therefore, in order to remove all these beliefs and wrong conditionings, you need to go back down into your psyche and start rewiring yourself.
The universal sexual urge for a man is to do it fast and as soon as possible. Why? Because he feels inadequate in love-making. He feels ashamed. He feels guilt around it. And this causes a lot of sadness in him. Let’s just go back to how he touches himself. The way in which he performs sexual intercourse with his woman is defined by the way in which he touches himself.
So in my Tantra workshops, the first step is for a man to start feeling his body again, to start touching his own body in the way he would like to be touched, and by doing this, he actually starts to rewire the neuro-linguistic pathways in his brain. So, if you really want to last longer with a woman, start by lasting longer with yourself. When you are self-pleasuring, touch yourself as though you have eternity around you.
The second most important thing is that as long as a man is afraid of his wild, erotic and, I’ll also say violent, side of himself, he will never tap into that amazing, powerful energy that that a bull has. Every man has to become friends with his testosterone so that it is no longer the bull that is riding him, but it is he who is sitting on the bull and riding the testosterone, instinctively knowing when to strong, when to be violent and when to use that energy for sexual pursuit. This is so important for a man.
So, in order to unleash the powerful sexual nature that lies within you, there are two essential steps. One, by engaging in a deep, intimate self-pleasuring ritual, reprogram the way in which you make love by rediscovering and touching your own body. And two, by recognising, awakening your whole wild, erotic nature, channel this energy in every single aspect of your life, in the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you look at things, the way you move your body, the way you dance and the way you do your business. If you bring a little bit of unpredictability and wildness into your daily activities, you will start feeling less like and ox and more like a bull. And this bull is very much needed in today’s society. I meet so many women, in many tantric workshops and every woman is craving for a man who is so wild and passionate and who knows how to drive that wildness towards creation rather than destruction. Towards passion rather than obedience.
I am teaching a master class on men sexuality in my training Awakened Masculinity for men. You can find more information of it here.